Monday, December 16, 2019

Impact





So often we don't realize the impact our choices can make. Please keep an open mind and heart while you read my post. I tried to keep the facts as current as possible when pulling in my information but feel free to correct them with a link to support your information so I can correct it if needed. Some of the post below is my opinion and perspective but there are a lot of facts straight from reliable sources (United Nations, Department of Defense, National Institute of health, American Physiological Journal, etc) as well. I hope to reach the hearts of those reading this

This is going to be another difficult subject to talk about, sexual exploitation. This topic not only hits home to me because of what I have been through but it’s also a subject I am starting to realize many people are in the dark about. Unless sexual trauma has touched your life personally or through someone you love, it can seem unreal. It isn’t something that you think of, let alone research. I am back on the blog-sphere to shed some light on this topic.
Okay let’s jump into the meat of it; although there are many issues that I would love to touch on in the sex industry we will focus on strip clubs with this post. Despite the growing number of women who are speaking out publicly about the abuse and violence they have experienced while working in strip clubs, they are still seen as normal by a growing number of people. This is likely due to the fact that those who have gone have only ever experienced positive emotions. 

Dancers jobs are to make you feel good about being there, to remove the guilt or shame you would likely have if you knew the truth about some of them. They help take away the taboo of the strip club with their most alluring smiles so that you believe they are on the stage enjoying themselves. They have to fake it because, let’s face it, no one would want to get a lap dance from a girl crying and telling you she is forced to be there.
Just to be sure everyone knows, there are definitely woman who are there by CHOICE. They want to be there and are pocketing all the money. They feel empowered when they step on the stage and are in no way being forced. Those are not the women I am focusing on in this post. I am talking about the ones who are being forced to be there and the other almost 85% of woman working in a strip club who are survivors of sexual assault. These statics are true for most women working in the sex industry (including porn). If you have any experience with sexual assault or are close to someone who has experienced it, it does a lot of emotional damage. A lot of times you seek out the admiration of others to feel pretty, accepted, and important. I know this because I have vast experience with these feelings myself.
These women are looking for attention to feel they are worthy.  Some of these girls were raped and abused regularly as children, assaulted in college or high school, maybe had someone they were close to take advantage of them. Now working at these clubs, they are more than 65% likely to be sexually assaulted again. Some feel like strip clubs are one of the safest places to work at in the industry because of the ‘no touch’ rule most clubs have. This rule is only obeyed about 50% of the time. It is likely that these girls are being touched in ways they do not consent to in at least 2 out of every 5 times they give a dance, which is where they make most of their money. A lot of these women are likely to have admirers that will harass them, follow them, and threaten them if they don’t get what they think they have paid for. The dancers feel they have to accept the constant boundary crossing and the possibility of being assaulted every night as part of the hazards of the job. Even dancers who start out stripping because its empowering often end up in the arms of predators with an agenda. Its estimated that 2/3 of the women dancing dont want to be there. Could you imagine doing anything sexual with someone knowing they dont want to be apart of it?

 Anything sexual should only be done with consent. PERIOD. 

Another note, I know that this happens to men and children too. Not just women. I think it is also important to point out that some clubs have tried enforcing stricter laws and offering more protection for the girls who work there but so many girls are still slipping through the cracks  and forced to work. This doesn't include the host of women there with an altered perception of reality due to past traumas. My post is not a blanket statement that applies to all dancers, but does, unfortunately, apply to a large amount of them. 



To the patrons of the clubs, will you have an open mind while you ask yourself these questions? If it were a member of your family or your wife, would you want them to be forced to get naked and grind their body against other men? Would you still want to look at a girls body who has been sexually assaulted by her father since she was young-her mind is warped into believing that she is only worthy for other men to objectify her? Wouldn't you rather this woman see her worth with her clothes on? If you don’t know where these women come from, if they are there on their own free will or being forced, is it worth it to go? If only one girl in 30 (odds are extremely high that its more)  you see in that club tonight is 17 and being forced to take her clothes off, is it worth it. Knowing that the one you unknowingly pay the most to and are the most excited to see naked is being made to take her clothes off, entertain you, and give all that money to a pimp...Some of these girls are FORCED to be there to please you by some handler or pimp. Please consider the damage you could be inflicting and the trafficking you are potentially supporting by being there. If you wouldn't force a woman off stage to do something sexual please don't walk into these places and do it. Especially having read this. You now know it's a world wide epidemic. You dont have to trust this information you can go to more credible sources and find the same info.The girls may have a smile, but they drink and do drugs to numb the pain and depression they feel inside. Think about how terrible that girls life may be outside that club and instead of looking her in the eyes and offering help, you're condoning it and looking at her body. Teaching her the objectification she's been forced to take part in is okay with you.

If you are a dancer in one of these situations and stumble on this post, know you are not alone. There are so many others out there. You are worthy, and amazing. You don’t need to take your clothes off to feel validation or get someone to notice you. The right guy will want you to keep your clothes on and still think you are beautiful. They will honor and respect your body and other women’s bodies. Please look for an opportunity to get help, get out of whatever situation you are in and don’t lose hope. It is so easy to feel helpless and worthless but you are so much more than that! Find someone who can be understanding of what you have been through. Someone who makes you want to be better and who will understand your sensitivities and needs. Most importantly, find that strength in yourself. It is going to take time, It is a never ending road of growth to find your strength but you can do it! Write me and I will be your strength if you need it.

Some people have no idea how dark these places can be for the dancers because it’s a positive and fun experience for them and their friends. But once you know the truth, it's hard to see these places as anything but a prison for some of these women and a gateway to being trafficked for others. I understand that it is a hard reality to grasp for some. Its hard to see it as bad if you have grown up thinking it is okay or surrounded by people who feel it is okay. Don’t just take my word for it, research and understand more for yourself before making choices. There are plenty of stats out there, and also woman sharing their experiences working in the clubs. Just remember to think about these girls as people, think about if it were your friend, a sister or younger sibling that has been abducted and forced to strip. Realize how desperate they are for a different life, to return home, or for someone to help them and love them, not leer at them.

Due to my past, which you can read some about in my other post, I'm extremely sensitive to the topic of sexual exploitation in any form. I have been objectified since I was very young, I was taught early that being looked at, touched and talked to in a certain way was a part of life. For a long time I believed it and led my life that way with men. I use to need validation from men so much that I sacrificed my worth and value many times to get it. I have put myself in compromising situations, and shared myself in ways I felt I needed to just to hear that someone cared about me or even just to hear them call me pretty. My worth was entirely dependent on the amount of attention I could get from a man. Luckily, I had amazing people around me who have supported me to where I do not feel the need to have that as often. I realize how special it is to give my body to someone, even just from a photo. I am thankful to have people in my life to remind me of my worth and encourages me to love myself. I now have vulnerabilities and insecurities I will need my future partner to be sensitive of, and the right person for me will be understanding of my needs. It's nice to have my support system so I dont feel like I need to settle for someone who can't understand my sensitivity to certain issues. Now when I need it, I have friends I can turn to and get the compassion that I need instead of making poor choices to get the gratification I thought I needed. Unfortunately, there are many women who do not have the support I do.

I say this a lot but its true, its time to open our eyes and see things for what they are, not what we want them to be. Just like when I discussed child abuse, so many want to believe it is not an issue. Most wouldn't recognize the signs in a child or family of whats going on behind closed doors. There are a lot of terrible things happening in the world, but there is also a lot of good. We can't blind ourselves to the bad, we need to educate ourselves and stand up to it. I will ask you to please stand up for these women. Educate yourself on this issue and avoid strip clubs, no matter how 'fun or entertaining' things can seem.  Don't feed into the perception of what they have been taught, that their worth comes from their body. Don't pay into the hands of their pimps forcing them on that stage.

Someone being on stage because their vision of themselves is skewed by abuse and neglect is continuing the cycle. We should turn our eyes away from their bodies and help them get the care they need to build their self esteem, to get them out of compromising situations that they have to drug themselves up just to be in. Please take time to research this on your own there are 1000's of personal stories out there and stats. If you read only one story, try this one. If you do not believe in religion you can stop reading once you get to the part toward the end (Titled "I thought I would spontaneously combust"), but read the beginning how she got into trafficking, the realities of it, and how she is helping people now. In this link:



She shares her heartbreaking story but also her heroism. I hope to be more of an activist once I am stronger myself. She has a first hand account of what happens and how dangerous strip clubs can be for the vulnerable (most of the women there are vulnerable)

https://zhiphopcleveland.com/4451099/jada-pinkett-smith-sheds-light-on-atlantas-strip-club-scene-and-sex-trafficking/
Stand up for these girls that cant stand for themselves. You can make a difference. Even the smallest stone thrown in a lake will make a ripple. Share this knowledge with others. Help anyone you may come into contact with who is involved or may become involved. You can make a difference.
A few facts not mentioned above:
-Human trafficking earns global profits of roughly $150 Billion a year for traffickers, $99 billion of that comes from commercial sexual exploitation.
- Globally, an estimated 71% of enslaved people are women and girls, the remaining account for men and boys.
-Reports indicate that a large number of survivors were at one time in the foster care system and many whom were sexually abused (this stat hit close to home).
-Many organizations, including the Department of Defense have characterized human trafficking as the worlds fastest growing crime and the one reaping some of the largest payouts. 
-According to United Nations, the most common form of human trafficking is for sexual exploitation (including stripping, massage parlors and prostitution).
-Traffickers can be men and women. Often working together to remain under the radar.

*No proof reading has been done. I will get around to proofing eventually but decided to just write about the information I already had with the raw emotion I was feeling in the moment...Spread kindness y'all. 
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